Long time no see....

I know, I know...I am a horrible blogger. At my defense, it's not that I don't want to blog or even that I don't have anything on my mind because trust me I do. I have so many thoughts running through my mind that I have trouble falling asleep at night. Sometimes I wish it were insomnia, because then I could shut off my brain.
Summer has come and gone way too fast for my liking. I must say we had a low key enjoyable summer. We played at the pool quite a bit and got tan (although you wouldn't know it to look at us now). We went on our annual trip to Bear Lake. It's almost like we count down the days each summer until we get to go to Bear Lake and once we get there it's over. Playing in Bear Lake is always a blast for our family. We get to play with cousins and other family that we don't get to see all that much during the year. I am happy to say that there were no injuries this year...except for maybe a few legs and arms from being thrown off the water wienie. Fun had by all!!!
Another school year has begun and I am proud to say that we ( Grace and I) handled it much better this time around. As a matter of fact, she didn't want me to walk her into the school. She wanted to walk up the stairs to playground by herself. I must admit that it hurt a bit, but I toughed it out because I knew it was what she needed. I am also happy to report that the next day she wanted me to walk her up...I had to smile to myself because I knew that she needed me. It's like the Mama bird pushing her baby out to fly - she doesn't really want to push that baby out of the nest but she knows that if she doesn't that that bird won't survive. So I let my daughter take a step and she lets me know when she needs me. We both grew a little that day! :)
With Grace being in first grade now (sniff sniff) she's gone for a good part of the day, which leaves a lot of time for Tanner and I to pal around. It's actually really nice. We color, we read, we nap, sometimes we get on each others nerves...but all in all it's good quality time for the two of us.
I'm currently debating on whether or not I want to sign Tanner up for Karate and Grace up for dance. I truly believe that dance would be good for Grace. She took tap a couple years ago and although she enjoyed it she didn't really focus. I'm hoping now that she's older that she'll learn a little more discipline and confidence. There aren't a lot of options for activities for boys. I'm thinking of Karate because it's close by and I think he'll get a kick (a kick, get it...haha) out of it. We shall see.
I must end early, because I've got errands to run and my morning has run away from me. I'm hoping that my next blog won't take me months to post...I end with this ~ Enjoy the fall leave and crisp air...my favorite season!

Time out...

Why is it that when our kids do something bad we put them in time out...then they cry and deep down we feel bad for making them cry?

Difficult decisions.....

It has been months since I last blogged...my reasoning is simple procrastination. It is my worst attribute and so frustrating at times. That's not to say that I haven't been busy - I have...but blogging hasn't been a priority. It could be that if I had concentrated more on blogging, clearing my mind if you will, that it's quite possible that I wouldn't be as stressed. Needless to say, I'm blogging today and I have so much to say.
To say that life is easy is a stretch to say the least. Life is hard dang it! Sometimes I wish I could go back to being 10 years old again when I could go outside and play, climb trees...when my biggest worry was homework and chores. Being an adult not only qualifies you to vote, drink (if you choose to) get married, have kids, etc....and unfortunately sometimes as an adult we are required to make decisions that we don't want to make, but that we know are the best thing for us. This week I had to remove someone from my life for a while. This person is someone I love dearly, someone that means the world to me, but someone who is toxic to me the way that they are right now. Toxic meaning that they aren't good for me, that they often manipulate me or don't always have the best motives. When people are toxic to us it doesn't necessarily mean that they are toxic to others...We all have people in our lives like this. People who can push our buttons, manipulate us...you know those people who are fun to be around but sometimes make us question our choices. This often happens once those people are away from us and we've had a chance to re-evaluate where we are. Well, this happened to me on Monday. I sat back after a couple weeks of being around this person and realized that I compromised myself for this person. I compromised myself and my family several times over the years because I care and am a loyal person. It took me to see this person in a different light to see how much I was being manipulated and to be honest it hurt. I realized that I had to make the difficult decision to remove them from my life until they choose to be accountable for their decisions and grow up. This decision was not taken lightly....it was torture for me. I cried like I haven't cried in a very long time and I after the tears were gone, I realized that I made the right decision. I hope that one day they will see and understand why I have done this and when that day comes I will welcome them back with open arms...but it will be done with proof in actions...not words. Until that day comes I will remain strong and do what is best for me and my family - no matter what.

If by chance you are reading this...I love you and want nothing but the best for you...but you need to grow up. You need to look beyond yourself and see how the choices you have made have effected everyone around you. Once you really become accountable and take those steps in actions to change and make restitution...I will be here.

Happy 33rd Birthday to me :)

Today is my 33rd birthday and I feel as if I still have so much to learn. I am woman, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend and so many other things...but I'm just me. My Mom called me this morning to sing me happy birthday ( like she does every year) and she asked me if I feel and older today. I said no because I truly don't, but if I think about 33 as a number - I think holy shitacki - I'm kinda old. I mean, not old like having lots of wrinkles, but old because I look at teenagers and just think to myself "wow, they look so young". Did I look that young when I was in high school? I remember thinking that when I was a freshman that the Seniors looked so old...not only that but when I look at my yearbooks those same seniors still look old to me. How could those people still look this way to me? In many ways I still feel like I'm that freshman girl who still doesn't know nearly as much as she needs to and yet at the same time I feel wise beyond my years. In some ways I still make the same mistakes (Lord will I ever learn this lesson) and in other ways I think "I am so glad that I have learned that lesson"...all part of the big plan right? I am 33 and grateful for each and every day that I have had...and I lived through many moons. :)
The picture I am posting fits my thoughts perfectly. Sometimes I feel like I am still a child trying to be an adult...or maybe I'm an adult living with zest of life of a child. Either way, I'm good and happy.