Time out...

Why is it that when our kids do something bad we put them in time out...then they cry and deep down we feel bad for making them cry?

Difficult decisions.....

It has been months since I last blogged...my reasoning is simple procrastination. It is my worst attribute and so frustrating at times. That's not to say that I haven't been busy - I have...but blogging hasn't been a priority. It could be that if I had concentrated more on blogging, clearing my mind if you will, that it's quite possible that I wouldn't be as stressed. Needless to say, I'm blogging today and I have so much to say.
To say that life is easy is a stretch to say the least. Life is hard dang it! Sometimes I wish I could go back to being 10 years old again when I could go outside and play, climb trees...when my biggest worry was homework and chores. Being an adult not only qualifies you to vote, drink (if you choose to) get married, have kids, etc....and unfortunately sometimes as an adult we are required to make decisions that we don't want to make, but that we know are the best thing for us. This week I had to remove someone from my life for a while. This person is someone I love dearly, someone that means the world to me, but someone who is toxic to me the way that they are right now. Toxic meaning that they aren't good for me, that they often manipulate me or don't always have the best motives. When people are toxic to us it doesn't necessarily mean that they are toxic to others...We all have people in our lives like this. People who can push our buttons, manipulate us...you know those people who are fun to be around but sometimes make us question our choices. This often happens once those people are away from us and we've had a chance to re-evaluate where we are. Well, this happened to me on Monday. I sat back after a couple weeks of being around this person and realized that I compromised myself for this person. I compromised myself and my family several times over the years because I care and am a loyal person. It took me to see this person in a different light to see how much I was being manipulated and to be honest it hurt. I realized that I had to make the difficult decision to remove them from my life until they choose to be accountable for their decisions and grow up. This decision was not taken lightly....it was torture for me. I cried like I haven't cried in a very long time and I after the tears were gone, I realized that I made the right decision. I hope that one day they will see and understand why I have done this and when that day comes I will welcome them back with open arms...but it will be done with proof in actions...not words. Until that day comes I will remain strong and do what is best for me and my family - no matter what.

If by chance you are reading this...I love you and want nothing but the best for you...but you need to grow up. You need to look beyond yourself and see how the choices you have made have effected everyone around you. Once you really become accountable and take those steps in actions to change and make restitution...I will be here.

Happy 33rd Birthday to me :)

Today is my 33rd birthday and I feel as if I still have so much to learn. I am woman, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend and so many other things...but I'm just me. My Mom called me this morning to sing me happy birthday ( like she does every year) and she asked me if I feel and older today. I said no because I truly don't, but if I think about 33 as a number - I think holy shitacki - I'm kinda old. I mean, not old like having lots of wrinkles, but old because I look at teenagers and just think to myself "wow, they look so young". Did I look that young when I was in high school? I remember thinking that when I was a freshman that the Seniors looked so old...not only that but when I look at my yearbooks those same seniors still look old to me. How could those people still look this way to me? In many ways I still feel like I'm that freshman girl who still doesn't know nearly as much as she needs to and yet at the same time I feel wise beyond my years. In some ways I still make the same mistakes (Lord will I ever learn this lesson) and in other ways I think "I am so glad that I have learned that lesson"...all part of the big plan right? I am 33 and grateful for each and every day that I have had...and I lived through many moons. :)
The picture I am posting fits my thoughts perfectly. Sometimes I feel like I am still a child trying to be an adult...or maybe I'm an adult living with zest of life of a child. Either way, I'm good and happy.

Reflections...

I suppose I should be packing up my house since I'm moving this Thursday, but I really have no interest in tackling that hurdle at the moment. Instead, I've decided to reflect on the last year and appreciate all the blessings I do have. Let's see - where to begin..
First and foremost I have a very healthy and happy family. We had no emergency trips to the doctor or hospital. Grace started school this year and she absolutely loves it. As a matter of fact, we are on Christmas break and she is already asking when she gets to go back to school - she misses it. (I will remind her of this years from now when she wishes the breaks would last longer.) Tanner is growing like a weed- we are SOOOOO close to being 100% potty trained - I can feel it. Jed and I are doing well. Last week we celebrated our 7 year wedding anniversary and we are happy together. That's not to say that our marriage is perfect - but we go by each day learning and growing together. I am so lucky to have him for a husband - I am not a easy person to live with (admittedly so) and he handles me just right...most of the time. Above all of that, we are both blessed with good employment, a means to take care of our family and their needs, and a solid roof over our head. Like I said before, we are moving on Thursday but that is a blessing as well. Everything has happened for a reason this year. Both good times and bad have been for the best. Along with all of that, we have an amazing support system of family and friends...without them we would be lost. They have been our soundingboard and our strength...there are no words to express our appreciation to them. Names don't have to be mentioned - because if you have blessed us with yourselves than you are included on that list.

So I am grateful for 2008, but so eager for 2009 because I know this next year is going to be just as good...possibly even better! Happy New Year one and all!

My favorites!

Okay, I must begin by saying that I am stealing this idea from Shelley (see my points of interest). I read her's and thought "cute idea" and a good way to learn a bit more about me. (Lucky you!). Enjoy!

8 Favorite T.V. Shows (In no particular order):
: Grey's Anatomy
: Dancing With The Stars
: Private Practice
: Army Wives
: Dirty Jobs
: CSI: Las Vegas
: The Golden Girls (reruns)
: Sportscenter (ESPN)

8 Favorite Restaurants:
: Olive Garden
: California Pizza Kitchen
: T.G. I.Friday's (I used to work there)
: Texas Roadhouse
: Lone Star
: In N Out (When in California)
: Lucille's (When in Las Vegas)
: Mongolian BBQ (so freaking yummy)

8 Things I'm looking forward to:
: Tonight I get to watch both Grey's and CSI: (with my hubby) :)
: Thanksgiving (my favorite holiday)
: Christmas morning (I love to see the look on my kids faces)
: No more diapers! (we are so close!)
: Jed going back to school for a PharmD
: Grace in Ballet and Tanner in Karate.
: Having game nights with friends ( so fun)!
: Having a fabulous, much needed full body massage.

8 Things on My wish list:
: Buy a new home.
: A family trip to Disneyland.
: A couple cruise to the Caribbean.
: Learn to procrastinate less. (That's a big one)
: Being 100% debt free (2 years and counting!)
: Learning to play a musical instrument (Guitar or Piano)
: Going to the temple at least once a month with my hubby.
: A Wii and Wii fit. ( I love the hula hoop on Wii fit) :)

8 Things on My To Do list:
: Finish my laundry (fold and put away - I hate that part!)
: Have the carpets cleaned
: Finish Tanner's quilt blocks
: Start quilting Grace's quilt
: Exercise more consistently...
: Go through and organize my storage room (not fun...ughgh!)
: Help the kids with their Christmas lists (they have been asking for a week.)
: Be better at answering emails (I am horrible at it.)

8 People I hope will do the this:
: Carrie
: Lori
: Jessica
: Lynnette
: Rachael
: Peeshe
: Erin
: Anyone who wants to!

Time goes by...

Here we are nearly in the middle of November and I am in amazed at how rapidly the time goes by. It was just a few months ago that my daughter started school and most recently the Presidential Elections...time needs to slow down. Period. Sometimes I find myself just going through my daily routine only to realize that a month has passed - what happened to that month? I want to enjoy every minute and it's hard when sometimes I'm so busy I can barely sleep. My mind is always going a million miles a minute. My children, my husband, work, housework, church, friends, life...etc. Last night I chatted with a friend on facebook with whom I haven't talked with since high school. She lost her brother a year ago in a tragic motorcycle accident. To say she is having a difficult time is an understatement. She is finding it hard just to live life day by day and to get on with it in a different capacity. What should she do now and how does she go about it? That got me to thinking - what can we as individuals do to live life daily to the fullest? Even if it's just a small change. A change that will eventually snowball into something grand. Any ideas? I just know that 1 yr, 5 yrs, 10 yrs and so on down the road I want to look back on my life and not wonder what I didn't do, but smile knowing I did what I could to make it wonderful for myself and my family. I don't want to wonder if I was a good friend, a good person, a good Mother...I will look back and KNOW that I was and did a fantastic job with this amazing gift called life!

School pictures...

Grace got her schools pictures back on Friday and she looked so cute and grown up...I cried. How sad is that? I mean, it was like the first day of school all over again...I am a sap! It's not like this was something new. She's been going to school nearly 2 months now. I take her to school and pick up her, I see her playing with friends and I help her with homework...but somehow seeing her picture, something tangible, made it all the more real. Ughghgh! I thought can't this thing called "time" just slow down just a bit? It seems like just yesterday she was toddling around and learning to talk...and now she's learning so much more. I guess what I'm saying is that I need to cherish all these moments, because before I know it - she'll be a "real" grown up and won't "need" me as much anymore.
I think I need another good cry.