Long time no see....

I know, I know...I am a horrible blogger. At my defense, it's not that I don't want to blog or even that I don't have anything on my mind because trust me I do. I have so many thoughts running through my mind that I have trouble falling asleep at night. Sometimes I wish it were insomnia, because then I could shut off my brain.
Summer has come and gone way too fast for my liking. I must say we had a low key enjoyable summer. We played at the pool quite a bit and got tan (although you wouldn't know it to look at us now). We went on our annual trip to Bear Lake. It's almost like we count down the days each summer until we get to go to Bear Lake and once we get there it's over. Playing in Bear Lake is always a blast for our family. We get to play with cousins and other family that we don't get to see all that much during the year. I am happy to say that there were no injuries this year...except for maybe a few legs and arms from being thrown off the water wienie. Fun had by all!!!
Another school year has begun and I am proud to say that we ( Grace and I) handled it much better this time around. As a matter of fact, she didn't want me to walk her into the school. She wanted to walk up the stairs to playground by herself. I must admit that it hurt a bit, but I toughed it out because I knew it was what she needed. I am also happy to report that the next day she wanted me to walk her up...I had to smile to myself because I knew that she needed me. It's like the Mama bird pushing her baby out to fly - she doesn't really want to push that baby out of the nest but she knows that if she doesn't that that bird won't survive. So I let my daughter take a step and she lets me know when she needs me. We both grew a little that day! :)
With Grace being in first grade now (sniff sniff) she's gone for a good part of the day, which leaves a lot of time for Tanner and I to pal around. It's actually really nice. We color, we read, we nap, sometimes we get on each others nerves...but all in all it's good quality time for the two of us.
I'm currently debating on whether or not I want to sign Tanner up for Karate and Grace up for dance. I truly believe that dance would be good for Grace. She took tap a couple years ago and although she enjoyed it she didn't really focus. I'm hoping now that she's older that she'll learn a little more discipline and confidence. There aren't a lot of options for activities for boys. I'm thinking of Karate because it's close by and I think he'll get a kick (a kick, get it...haha) out of it. We shall see.
I must end early, because I've got errands to run and my morning has run away from me. I'm hoping that my next blog won't take me months to post...I end with this ~ Enjoy the fall leave and crisp air...my favorite season!

Time out...

Why is it that when our kids do something bad we put them in time out...then they cry and deep down we feel bad for making them cry?

Difficult decisions.....

It has been months since I last blogged...my reasoning is simple procrastination. It is my worst attribute and so frustrating at times. That's not to say that I haven't been busy - I have...but blogging hasn't been a priority. It could be that if I had concentrated more on blogging, clearing my mind if you will, that it's quite possible that I wouldn't be as stressed. Needless to say, I'm blogging today and I have so much to say.
To say that life is easy is a stretch to say the least. Life is hard dang it! Sometimes I wish I could go back to being 10 years old again when I could go outside and play, climb trees...when my biggest worry was homework and chores. Being an adult not only qualifies you to vote, drink (if you choose to) get married, have kids, etc....and unfortunately sometimes as an adult we are required to make decisions that we don't want to make, but that we know are the best thing for us. This week I had to remove someone from my life for a while. This person is someone I love dearly, someone that means the world to me, but someone who is toxic to me the way that they are right now. Toxic meaning that they aren't good for me, that they often manipulate me or don't always have the best motives. When people are toxic to us it doesn't necessarily mean that they are toxic to others...We all have people in our lives like this. People who can push our buttons, manipulate us...you know those people who are fun to be around but sometimes make us question our choices. This often happens once those people are away from us and we've had a chance to re-evaluate where we are. Well, this happened to me on Monday. I sat back after a couple weeks of being around this person and realized that I compromised myself for this person. I compromised myself and my family several times over the years because I care and am a loyal person. It took me to see this person in a different light to see how much I was being manipulated and to be honest it hurt. I realized that I had to make the difficult decision to remove them from my life until they choose to be accountable for their decisions and grow up. This decision was not taken lightly....it was torture for me. I cried like I haven't cried in a very long time and I after the tears were gone, I realized that I made the right decision. I hope that one day they will see and understand why I have done this and when that day comes I will welcome them back with open arms...but it will be done with proof in actions...not words. Until that day comes I will remain strong and do what is best for me and my family - no matter what.

If by chance you are reading this...I love you and want nothing but the best for you...but you need to grow up. You need to look beyond yourself and see how the choices you have made have effected everyone around you. Once you really become accountable and take those steps in actions to change and make restitution...I will be here.

Happy 33rd Birthday to me :)

Today is my 33rd birthday and I feel as if I still have so much to learn. I am woman, a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend and so many other things...but I'm just me. My Mom called me this morning to sing me happy birthday ( like she does every year) and she asked me if I feel and older today. I said no because I truly don't, but if I think about 33 as a number - I think holy shitacki - I'm kinda old. I mean, not old like having lots of wrinkles, but old because I look at teenagers and just think to myself "wow, they look so young". Did I look that young when I was in high school? I remember thinking that when I was a freshman that the Seniors looked so old...not only that but when I look at my yearbooks those same seniors still look old to me. How could those people still look this way to me? In many ways I still feel like I'm that freshman girl who still doesn't know nearly as much as she needs to and yet at the same time I feel wise beyond my years. In some ways I still make the same mistakes (Lord will I ever learn this lesson) and in other ways I think "I am so glad that I have learned that lesson"...all part of the big plan right? I am 33 and grateful for each and every day that I have had...and I lived through many moons. :)
The picture I am posting fits my thoughts perfectly. Sometimes I feel like I am still a child trying to be an adult...or maybe I'm an adult living with zest of life of a child. Either way, I'm good and happy.

Reflections...

I suppose I should be packing up my house since I'm moving this Thursday, but I really have no interest in tackling that hurdle at the moment. Instead, I've decided to reflect on the last year and appreciate all the blessings I do have. Let's see - where to begin..
First and foremost I have a very healthy and happy family. We had no emergency trips to the doctor or hospital. Grace started school this year and she absolutely loves it. As a matter of fact, we are on Christmas break and she is already asking when she gets to go back to school - she misses it. (I will remind her of this years from now when she wishes the breaks would last longer.) Tanner is growing like a weed- we are SOOOOO close to being 100% potty trained - I can feel it. Jed and I are doing well. Last week we celebrated our 7 year wedding anniversary and we are happy together. That's not to say that our marriage is perfect - but we go by each day learning and growing together. I am so lucky to have him for a husband - I am not a easy person to live with (admittedly so) and he handles me just right...most of the time. Above all of that, we are both blessed with good employment, a means to take care of our family and their needs, and a solid roof over our head. Like I said before, we are moving on Thursday but that is a blessing as well. Everything has happened for a reason this year. Both good times and bad have been for the best. Along with all of that, we have an amazing support system of family and friends...without them we would be lost. They have been our soundingboard and our strength...there are no words to express our appreciation to them. Names don't have to be mentioned - because if you have blessed us with yourselves than you are included on that list.

So I am grateful for 2008, but so eager for 2009 because I know this next year is going to be just as good...possibly even better! Happy New Year one and all!

My favorites!

Okay, I must begin by saying that I am stealing this idea from Shelley (see my points of interest). I read her's and thought "cute idea" and a good way to learn a bit more about me. (Lucky you!). Enjoy!

8 Favorite T.V. Shows (In no particular order):
: Grey's Anatomy
: Dancing With The Stars
: Private Practice
: Army Wives
: Dirty Jobs
: CSI: Las Vegas
: The Golden Girls (reruns)
: Sportscenter (ESPN)

8 Favorite Restaurants:
: Olive Garden
: California Pizza Kitchen
: T.G. I.Friday's (I used to work there)
: Texas Roadhouse
: Lone Star
: In N Out (When in California)
: Lucille's (When in Las Vegas)
: Mongolian BBQ (so freaking yummy)

8 Things I'm looking forward to:
: Tonight I get to watch both Grey's and CSI: (with my hubby) :)
: Thanksgiving (my favorite holiday)
: Christmas morning (I love to see the look on my kids faces)
: No more diapers! (we are so close!)
: Jed going back to school for a PharmD
: Grace in Ballet and Tanner in Karate.
: Having game nights with friends ( so fun)!
: Having a fabulous, much needed full body massage.

8 Things on My wish list:
: Buy a new home.
: A family trip to Disneyland.
: A couple cruise to the Caribbean.
: Learn to procrastinate less. (That's a big one)
: Being 100% debt free (2 years and counting!)
: Learning to play a musical instrument (Guitar or Piano)
: Going to the temple at least once a month with my hubby.
: A Wii and Wii fit. ( I love the hula hoop on Wii fit) :)

8 Things on My To Do list:
: Finish my laundry (fold and put away - I hate that part!)
: Have the carpets cleaned
: Finish Tanner's quilt blocks
: Start quilting Grace's quilt
: Exercise more consistently...
: Go through and organize my storage room (not fun...ughgh!)
: Help the kids with their Christmas lists (they have been asking for a week.)
: Be better at answering emails (I am horrible at it.)

8 People I hope will do the this:
: Carrie
: Lori
: Jessica
: Lynnette
: Rachael
: Peeshe
: Erin
: Anyone who wants to!

Time goes by...

Here we are nearly in the middle of November and I am in amazed at how rapidly the time goes by. It was just a few months ago that my daughter started school and most recently the Presidential Elections...time needs to slow down. Period. Sometimes I find myself just going through my daily routine only to realize that a month has passed - what happened to that month? I want to enjoy every minute and it's hard when sometimes I'm so busy I can barely sleep. My mind is always going a million miles a minute. My children, my husband, work, housework, church, friends, life...etc. Last night I chatted with a friend on facebook with whom I haven't talked with since high school. She lost her brother a year ago in a tragic motorcycle accident. To say she is having a difficult time is an understatement. She is finding it hard just to live life day by day and to get on with it in a different capacity. What should she do now and how does she go about it? That got me to thinking - what can we as individuals do to live life daily to the fullest? Even if it's just a small change. A change that will eventually snowball into something grand. Any ideas? I just know that 1 yr, 5 yrs, 10 yrs and so on down the road I want to look back on my life and not wonder what I didn't do, but smile knowing I did what I could to make it wonderful for myself and my family. I don't want to wonder if I was a good friend, a good person, a good Mother...I will look back and KNOW that I was and did a fantastic job with this amazing gift called life!

School pictures...

Grace got her schools pictures back on Friday and she looked so cute and grown up...I cried. How sad is that? I mean, it was like the first day of school all over again...I am a sap! It's not like this was something new. She's been going to school nearly 2 months now. I take her to school and pick up her, I see her playing with friends and I help her with homework...but somehow seeing her picture, something tangible, made it all the more real. Ughghgh! I thought can't this thing called "time" just slow down just a bit? It seems like just yesterday she was toddling around and learning to talk...and now she's learning so much more. I guess what I'm saying is that I need to cherish all these moments, because before I know it - she'll be a "real" grown up and won't "need" me as much anymore.
I think I need another good cry.

I'm not sure if I trust Barack Obama...

I am trying to get both positive and negative information on the presidential candidates. I want to make an informed decision this November. I truly believe it is our responsibility as citizens of the United States to vote. If we choose not to vote - I think we should lose our right to complain. With that said...I'm not sure if I can vote for someone that I don't trust and I'm not sure if I trust Barack Obama to run our country. First let me say this - it has NOTHING to do with his race. I would support someone that was a different race, a woman and/or someone who was a different religion as long as I trusted them and knew they had the experience to do the job. I am tired of agendas and I truly dislike all the smear campaigns. I know it is going on on both sides, but I don't like it period. What happened to common diplomacy and respect? Okay, back to my reasoning. I believe ones past has a lot to do with who they are in the present. Barack Obama is a both a very intelligent and well educated man, but I'm not sure if that is enough. I want to know what his true religious views are (yes, this matters!). I want to know if he shares the same views as Rev. Wright? I want to know WHY he refused to salute and honor the American Flag. I want to know what his real stand is on the economy, gun control, taxes and the energy crisis. I want to know what he would, if elected, would do to repair our country and how he would do it. I don't want flip flopping on the issues based on who he's talking to...I want solid answers the same day in a day out.
My reasoning...on religion - our country and constitution on were founded and based on christianity and I want to know that believes in and will encourage those same rights and values. On Rev. Wright - this man was his religious advisor for many years and might still be. He (Rev. Wright) has said "Not God Bless America, God Damn America!" That is horrific! I love my country, my rights and my freedoms and it pisses me off that he said that! (*Note -It would piss me off if I heard anyone say that.) He lives in America. He has the same rights and freedoms that I do, but yet he verbally vomits on it...is that honoring his country? I think not! Furthermore, it bothers me that a presidential candidate associates himself religiously with someone who feels that way about our country. On saluting the American Flag - why wouldn't he do this? This is the symbol of freedom for our beloved country and he disgraced it by keeping his hands down during the National Anthem. Does this strike anyone else as odd? On the economy - What will he do to repair the mortgage crisis, the unemployment rates, the costs of everyday needs for our families? I need to know what his prospective is. Not only for me and my family, but for the future of our nation. We are in disrepair and need to be mended...what are his goals for our country and how does he plan to achieve them? I NEED to know these answers before I can even consider voting for him or Senator McCain. All I see in the debates is he said he said. It bothers me. Just say what you mean and mean what you say. Is that so much to ask? I need to trust my future president! Period! Does anybody else agree?

Damsels in Distress...What crap!

This morning I dropped my daughter off at school. On my way out to the parking lot I chatted with a fellow room Mother. We talked for a few minutes and went our separate ways. At that moment the school fire alarm rang - fire drill...hooray! I wait for my turn to drive off, when I notice a huge orange barrel (the kind used for construction) under the van in front of me. The van kept moving slowly and stalled. So what do I do? I stop and help her of course. She had no idea the barrel was there (which amazes me by the way). My friend Kathy and I try to pull it out for her. It was no use the barrel wouldn't budge....I had an aha moment - let's get the jack. She has the jack, but not the bar that turns it...Kathy can't find her jack. Emily to the rescue! I use the bar from my jack and get it started (even with the black widow spiders on the barrel)....slowly but surely I get the jack high enough for them to get the dented barrel out....It works - they pull it out and all is well. What got me thinking after this is that she should know how to do this herself. She should have a jack and know how to use it. She says to me that "oh, my husband usually does that kind of stuff." Well sure he does, but not in case like this. Isn't this a problem? I think so. Why is it that this woman wouldn't know what to do if her tire blew and she needed to change it? It is her responsibility as a woman and parent (her child was in the car) to be prepared for "little and big" emergencies like these ones. She can't allow herself to be left on the side of the road defenseless. What if it was a real emergency? What would she do? I'm sorry but in this day and age people rarely pull over to help. I wouldn't help just anyone (I'm ashamed to admit that) because I have to ensure my own safety. There are people out there who set up people to rob them or carjack them. It's horrible, yet true. So, I use my instinct and judge my surroundings...Is it safe? Is she alone? What is the scenario? Can I actually help or would I hinder the situation? I have a cell phone and I will call and notify highway patrol if I see someone who looks in trouble. That and I say a little pray like "Heavenly Father, please let that person be safe and taken care of."
Okay, so ladies and gentleman here are my thoughts...Ladies ~ rely upon yourself. Know how to change your tires. Know what the inside of your car engine looks like and what is what. For example, know the differences between all the fluids and how to fill them (make sure you put the right fluid in the right spot). Don't be left helpless. It is good to have a husband to help, but sometimes it would just be easier to do it yourself. Gentlemen ~ Teach your wives how to change the tires. Assist them in learning about their engines. Make sure they know how to do it right because they are often driving your family around and you don't want them to alone, worried and scared on the side of the road. There is always that chance that someone won't pull over and help. Sadly.
Okay and last but not least thank you to my friend Kathy for being there with me, because I wasn't alone and that made it possible for me to help. If you want to help someone who might be stranded on the side of the road, maybe sure you aren't alone. Make sure you are safe.

I'm a moderate :)

I don't really consider myself to be a full fledge Republican and I am definitely not a Democrat, with that said I have voted Democrat if the person running shares my views. With the upcoming Presidential Election so close at hand and the issues that our country is facing - I've decided to blog my thoughts. I find it very frustrating that the presidential candidates are acting like school children rather than focusing on the problems that our country is suffering. Our beloved USA is in an economic crisis that hasn't been seen in decades. People are losing their jobs. The cost of gas is ridiculous. The price of groceries is astronomical! The housing market is in the gutter. It's horrific. I don't give a rats ars about if Obama smoked dope back when he was a kid ( we all make our mistakes and learn from them) and I don't give a crap if Palin's daughter is pregnant (her daughter slept with her boyfriend - shock and awe)....What I care about is how the next President is going to help mend the problems that our country is facing. What are his views on the energy crisis, taxes, the economy, etc. I want to know how he is going to repair our country and keep it safe. I'm tired of all the mud slinging between both parties. I'm tired of the lies and manipulations. I just want us all to work together for the common good. I want the United States of America to be a great and glorious country for my children and grandchildren. Is that so much to ask?
I think we (the USA) need to worry about our own country before we can try to fix another. Don't get me wrong, I know that other countries need help and we should give it, but we should CONCENTRATE on us. I believe in the war or rather the reasons why we're there. I support the troops 100%. I want our country to have respect from the World and yet give respect in return. I am proud to be an American and am willing to fight for the freedoms that I take for granted each and every day. There I said it. I take the fact that I was born here for granted - don't we all. We have a magnificent land that we call home...People immigrate here both legally and illegally to have what we share. Don't get me started on illegal immigrants. It frustrates me to no end. I will just say this one sentence and call it good....I am all for people from any country wanting to live here, however, if this is their dream to live in America - than they need to go through the proper channels to do so, just like everyone else. You don't have to agree with me. I'm fine with that. I stand by my views.
Okay, have I mentioned I am a person who speaks in tangents? I start on one topic and end up flying off on several others...but always come back to the original...Yeah baby! Okay, so I am a moderate. I am a registered Republican. I will vote this November not based on age, race, religion, or sex...I will vote for the candidate who shares my views. For the man who I believe will try the hardest to do what is right and repair our broken country. SO I ask this of you (those few who will read this)...I ask you to do the same. I ask you to vote for the candidate who you believe in your heart of hearts will do the best job. What more can we ask right?

Kindergarten

Today was my daughter's first day of kindergarten. I had prepared myself for this day for months. I knew it was coming...but it was difficult just the same. I woke her up, made her breakfast and helped her get ready - all the while trying not to think about it. I took her to school and we walked to her classroom...she walked through the door looked back at me and started to cry. She ran into my arms crying- which of course made me cry too. It was I having to reassure her that she was going to be fine and make new friends, while inside I was losing it. She was strong and went back into the room and talked with her teacher. I watched her put her backpack down and try to figure it out. I was so proud of her, because she is an amazing little girl. It's hard to go into a room and see where you fit in...it's even harder to be a Mother and wonder the exact same thing. I hope that she meets lots of new friends and I hope that her sensitive little soul won't hurt to badly when some brat teases her about something (because kids are mean and always tease). All I can do is be here for her when she gets home and ask her how her day went...ask her if she made lots of new friends and if she's sad - let her know that every thing's going to be okay - even when I have the same doubts and want to be mean to that kid who hurt her feelings. *Note - there is no kid at the moment, but I know there will be one day and I hope that I'm a strong rational parent when it happens....